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New Year Hibernation – A Bitter Take on Festive Frivolities

 

It’s that time again – quick! Dive under the covers and pull the duvet tight over your head so that the ‘many happy returns’ and ‘fresh start’ drivel soars directly over your homemade hovel. Inside your safety pit, you can put your thoughts to productive use such as, what is not working in the world and what you’re going to do about it. If that’s too much of an arduous task, don’t. But be sure to swiftly rid yourself of all opinions on the matter as they are no longer valid. Then, you can free up your mind to think of other things like self-indulgence or immediate gratification. 

 

Whatever way you choose to occupy your frazzled, guilt-ridden mind, be assured that it will all be over in one day. In one day the ‘new year, new me’ gang will be pitifully hungover and not feeling so peppy. But beware, you will still have even more insufferable chumps to deal with. Those, who instead of partying, CHOSE to remain indoors with a book by the fireplace or even worse, those contemptuous human beings that grace the late night gym with their presence on New Year’s Eve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To put it bluntly, ‘Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?’ Yes Robbie, couldn’t have put it better myself. All should be forgotten at this ghastly time of forced reflection. I liken it to one of those brain-training memory tests for which you are penalised for not remembering the sixth item in a list and are awarded for your troubles, 10 more points to add to your brain age which, by that time is usually 104. 

 

Should you choose to engage in celebrations or spend the evening solemn and alone – we are all, I’m afraid, damned on New Year’s Eve to an evening of heightened expectations and a veritable big fall when things inevitably, do not go as planned. I challenge anyone drunk or otherwise, to see the night through with utter cheeriness. Alas! It is an unachievable feat. To dodge it all is the only way to truly protect yourself from an evening of tears, screeching laughter and mis-used idioms. 

 

Wishing you all the breast and a Sappy Blue Ear!